DNR: Cleveland Browns

Full moons always bring the crazies, it’s a fact. Present company is NOT excluded and I had no idea how much my world would be turned upside down by this lunar moment:Image

I’m chatting on the phone with my mom, so excited to come home next week to see the Browns and Bengals game with my Dad and brothers. I have been looking forward to this for months! When I lived in Cleveland, every year we would all go to an Indians game for Father’s Day but when I moved down south, we opted to make this our ritual outing. I couldn’t wait!

Well, until this year when my iPad blinked and I blacked out.

My NFL mobile app flashed breaking news and I gasped. The Browns traded Trent to the Colts and pretty sure this is when my out of body experience started. I hung up on my mom, thought the app was just the result of a gazillion people downloading IOS 7 so this had to be completely screwed up or even hacked to mess with Browns fans. I ran to my computer and checked Twitter, my heart in my throat after seeing more and more posts about him leaving. Finally it was confirmed: after only TWO GAMES into the season, they were giving up our best player for a 2014 first round draft pick from the Colts. Hold the mother f’ing phone, say WHAT?! The COLTS. Like they are going to be awful when Andrew Luck is blowing up my fantasy football bench because I can’t swap out Drew Brees due to a matter of principle. Who was the jackass behind this move?! I was starting to lose consciousness.

My dad called a few minutes later to see if I had broken anything (or anyone) in my house. After assuring him I wasn’t in an ambulance with a straight jacket on, I cracked and the tears started to flow. I said, “Dad, I don’t get it. I don’t even want to go to the game, we are already giving up on this season and it’s just pathetic.” And just like all great fathers do, he told me it was going to be ok. We didn’t have to go to the game if I didn’t want to and could spend the day doing whatever. The most important thing was that we would all be together and that’s what counted the most. And I cried even harder.

It dawned on me that maybe this is why I love the Browns so much … because of my father. It wasn’t just about football, it was about being together as a family every week. Win or lose, every Sunday we were huddled around the TV as one “team” and that’s what counts in life. We supported each other by either high fiving or passing the Kleenex. Even if I was the baby in the family and the only girl, my father didn’t treat me any different. He raised me to be strong, independent, stand up for what I believe in and always trust that when all else fails, your family will be there to catch you so you won’t fall. Unfortunately my Browns “family” is a high-flying circus act without a safety net and I’ve fallen, so very hard.

Cleveland is a family, albeit a very dysfuctional one. We love and hate in the same breath but we always have hope. Trading Trent shows me nothing but we’re accepting failure and once again, waiting until next year. I put myself on a 5150 hold because I was freaking the hell out because really, who does shit like this after the 2nd game?! Lombardi was in bed with Modell yet we brought him back. How many times do we have to recycle these people until we learn that sometimes business and the NFL get along as well as Ike and Tina Turner? After getting your face used as a punching bag, getting flowers and hearing “I’m sorry” doesn’t mean a damn thing.

I didn’t post any commentary about the first two games because it would have been swear words in every language on this planet. Sadly, I was very hopeful about this team. My heart beat started off strong, but slipped to a dim murmur after the home opener and by last week, I was on shallow breath. Today I have officially flat-lined and the orders are DNR.

I denounced Cleveland, took a selfie in a Saints shirt and flipped the bird to Haslam, Lombardi, Banner and Chud. No kidding, I’m a lover scorned. And I will say this: Browns fans, it’s time for you bitches to MAN UP and make a change, once and for all. We need to stand up for what we believe in and NOT PUT UP WITH ANOTHER YEAR OF REBUILDING BECAUSE WE DESERVE BETTER THAN THIS!!!!!!!!!!

Browns front office: Time is running out, the DNR has been signed and they are about to pull the plug. So is this your last breath? Please don’t make it be ours.

And you know why? Because my dad says so!!!!

xoxo Merivious with a Broken Heart Mingo :(

~ by knowlme1 on September 18, 2013.

One Response to “DNR: Cleveland Browns”

  1. I love you….even as a die-hard Steelers-wearing chick! ; ) Even Steelers fans are stratching their heads at this nonsense (even in the midst of our own sucky season!)

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