I’ve Got 99 Problems and Being a Bitch is One!

There are many things I wish for in life: Browns winning the Superbowl before I die, entering rehab with Kosar and Hasselfhoff as my roommates, kissing Joe Namath, tackling Trent Richardson, running Justin Bieber over repeatedly with his own custom Segway, and beating LBJ with my old “Witness” t-shirt to a bloody pulp.

I also wish I was a reporter for ESPN and the highlight of my day was to write a mindless article about King James and the police escort he needed to the Jay Z-Justin Timberlake concert last night. Most likely this was written by some intern, poorly paid to watch LBJ bullshit posts on Instagram and Twitter:

LeBron James gives assist to police

Updated: August 16, 2013, 11:07 PM ET via ESPN News Service

MIAMI GARDENS, Fla. — NBA MVP LeBron James says he needed an assist to get to a Justin Timberlake and Jay Z concert Friday night.

The Miami Heat star posted a video of him saying he was following “a police escort on the wrong side of the street” to get to the concert at Sun Life Stadium. The eight-second video shows James’ vehicle behind others with police lights flashing, as oncoming traffic on the three-lane side of the road allowed them to pass.

The video was posted to James’ social media accounts. The Heat star also tweeted about the police escort.


It was unclear what law enforcement agency was providing the escort, which appeared to be taking place in the vicinity of the stadium. Traffic around much of the area was clogged because of the concert.

If I could guess, he was making this face and whining about how important it was for him to “make the triangle” for Jay-Z when he made his stage debut. The cops simply had no choice to move the cry baby to the show faster than everyone else.


First of all, he didn’t assist the police in ANYTHING so nice misleading title. Secondly, is this really sports news worth reporting?! Another spoiled douchebag using his status to get a VIP concert route because he refuses to wait in traffic is just *cue gasp* unbelievable! Seriously ESPN is turning into the Jerry Springer of Sports Broadcasting and I almost expect to have DNA test results at the end of each article. And let’s be honest, LeBron would benefit from that since his Father’s Day cards are usually addressed to “Dear (fill in the blank).”

I feel sorry for anyone in Miami that called 9-1-1 while this super important mission was in process. “Ma’am, I realize you’re being stabbed but LeBron James doesn’t know how to tell time on his extremely expensive Rolex and was late to the Jigga and former N’Sync boy band concert; the police are needed elsewhere at this time. Please try to keep your blood loss to a minimum while he’s rushed to his reserved parking spot and private loge to enjoy an evening getting his ass kissed by everyone in the Sun-Life Stadium.”

H to the Izzo.

xoxo Merivious Mingo


~ by knowlme1 on August 17, 2013.

One Response to “I’ve Got 99 Problems and Being a Bitch is One!”

  1. Was just thinking if you were going to Blog about this. and you did :)

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