Hey, hey Browns fans! Today we play Green Bay and I couldn’t be more excited to hear over and over how the Browns passed on Aaron Rodgers in 2005 for this guy.
Even with these enormous headphones on, I can only hear the ocean.
Yep, Braylon “Frying Pan Hands” Edwards or Braylon “No I’m not gay so I grew this beard” Edwards. Take your pick, he sucks with any moniker.
We continue to live with the Braylon curse as long as Greg Little stays on the roster. Let me tell you, two frying pan hand wrongs don’t make a right. Same goes with that damn Skittle commercial with the two gingers kissing; gingers can’t cancel out each other and make it ok. I do not want to taste that red-headed rainbow, please stop it.
Speaking of gingers, I am also reeling with anticipation to see what Benjamin Buttons does this week (or I guess I should say what does NOT do). Dude is such a train wreck I can’t stand it! Again, another poor bad choice by the franchise by taking Buttons over Russell Wilson. Maybe he’ll surprise me today but it’s usually a bad surprise, like seeing a video of Mark Sanchez dancing and dropping his drawers. You’re intrigued at first, can’t look away but it always ends with shocking disappointment.
However, the brilliant acquisition of Charles Johnson might overshadow these two picks this week.
I have cool tats, I used to be able to run fast. Please keep me.
Signing a player with a torn ACL to replace a player with a torn ACL was nothing but Cleveland luck at its finest. Once again we’re the laughing stock of the NFL because really, where else does shit like this happen? We can’t catch a break. Since he was on the practice squad with Green Bay, the Browns couldn’t get a physical before signing him so no one had a clue. Even better, we’re now stuck with this dead weight for another 2 weeks in order to have 53 players on the roster.
Just when I thought it couldn’t possibly get any worse, a story comes out that Harry Potter aka Daniel Radcliffe is a big fan of my beloved Keke and even named his fantasy football team “Barkevious Mingo’s Mum.” Let me start by saying I may be the only person on this planet that did not read any Harry Potter books nor have I seen the movies. I’m sorry but I can’t stand Harry Potter! I’d love to take his little cape and wrap it around his neck so I never have to hear about this little wizard ever again. And didn’t he have some ginger sidekick? Enough said. Anyways, the Brit actor who portrayed him had this to say about Bark and the Browns:
“Um, my team name is Barkevious Mingo’s Mum. I just think Barkevious Mingo is the greatest name I’ve ever heard, and the fact that his mum invented that name is also amazing. And in that league I have the Cleveland defense as well, and they had an amazing game the other day against Buffalo, so I’m incredibly grateful to the Cleveland defense, Barkevious Mingo and his mother.”
Seriously?! Listen Harry Potter, there is only room for one stalker on Mingo Island and it’s ME. I’ve been on the Barkevious bandwagon since April and named my fantasy team “Mingo Ate Your Baby” so why don’t you get on your broom and buzz off. I don’t care if Bark is a fan or not, I have boobs and therefore I WIN.
xoxo Merivious Mingo is going to beat Harry Potter’s dingo